This morning I dropped Sam off at a friend’s house to play until his ride for school picked him up. Me and Sarah headed over to Soccer World to run Open Gym (that’s my little job in case you didn’t know). While we were setting up, I got a call from my friend who was driving Sam’s carpool. She said he was a little distraught that he didn’t have his snow pants.
My thoughts-
How embarrassing. What a bad mom I am to send my kid to school without snow pants when it is clearly wet and cold outside. (Mind you, this would be the first necessary day for snow pants.) And here I am stuck at work and no way to get them to him. He will probably have to stay in from recess. How incredibly sad. I will get them to him the second I get home.
And so I did. As soon as we were done at SW, we left for home, grabbed the pants, and ran them to Sam at his school. We found him in the lunchroom where his teacher said hello to me. I said hello and told her what I was doing there. Here’s what she said to me,
“Well, aren’t you the enabling mother.”
My thoughts-
Wait a minute! I thought I was a bad mom for not sending him in his snow pants in the first place! No! I’m the bad mom for then bringing them to him! She’s absolutely right. This is his problem not mine. I’m just going to leave now. I need to get outside to dig a hole and bury myself in it.
Now, let me just clarify one thing. Sam’s teacher is wonderful. I really like her. She is very wise and has been super helpful. She’s put things in perspective for me before. I know her and get her so I was not in the slightest bit offended by what she said. Actually, I wasn’t even embarrassed.
I just left wondering which was the right thing to do. Was she right? Was that enabling?
In my defense: First, that experience alone was enough for Sam to NEVER forget his snow pants EVER again. Second, I really thought that was my fault. It just seems like that one was my responsibility. He’s six. It’s the first cold+wet day of the year.
But I am far from a perfect mother. I have a tendency to be enabling. It runs thick in the genes. I don’t want to be. Is this the beginning of the end???
Thoughts?
16 comments:
Oh man! I was totally surprised by her comment, so I must be on the same page as you. I would probably do the same thing as you did. I don't think a 6 year old would necessarily know that they need snow pants just on their own. However, I guess one day without them won't hurt him and like you said, he'll be sure to never leave home without them again. So I guess she is right to an extent, but I don't think Sam did anything wrong in not asking for them in the first place, so I don't know that he really needs to learn a lesson here. So basically what I'm saying is that you are both right in my opinion. Either way won't ruin him. That's a good one!
Aren't you the enabler???? Even if she may be right couldn't she have said it more tactfully? Interesting, interesting. I need to think a little more -- I need to get over my gut reaction to smack the lady sideways! (I know, I know, I don't even know her ... ).
I say when it comes to you child being cold and wet, enable away. Hence me buying Caleb two sets of gloves, which he has lost both of them already, and threating now to buy him pink ones if he doesn't find them tomorrow. Ya got to keep the kids warm, we live in MN for crying out loud.
Oh I love this. I have no place to say anything on the matter and if I did I would probably just come accross self rightous but it is a great discussion.
All I can say is you're a stronger woman than me Jo! I would have been totally offended, embarassed, and lets face it - pissed off! Even though I shouldn't be. So good for you.
As for the snow pants??? I agree with a previous commenter, either way is fine in my opinion. I'm not sure what I would have done?
Knowing Sam,I don't think you were necessarily wrong (except the part thinking you were a bad mother to forget his snowpants). But then, I happen to know who you're talking about when you say "It runs thick in the genes."!
But I do understand the teacher because she deals with that all the time and probably wishes sometimes the mothers wouldn't rush in to save the day. Kids learn to deal. Remember how Carden was about forgotten lunches?
ERIC! Who are you to talk? Mr. tell mom at 10:30 at night you have a big assignment due! Not just once!
I don't know Jo but I think this is a good discussion. But I can say that this is not the beginning of the end.
Um. On Tuesday I hauled all three kids into school to take Lauryn her homework folder that she left on the kitchen counter, the same one I reminded her to put in her backpack about 3 times that morning.
Here is why I did it and will continue to do it ---
I can remember back to my elem school days and how traumatic it can be and how funny other kids can be about mistakes. Not that I was the target of such very often, nor do I think La is --- but when I was it did not feel good, but that is not the reason I do it for Lar it is b/c her personality is such that she would feel so bad inside and beat herself over such a thing, not to mention I would worry about her til she got home from school. She is way too sensitive...reminds me much like Sam. I'm a mom I think it goes with the title.
I would have done just like you. Except next time please call me and I will run Sammy-boy some snow pants for heavens sake! No really I would do it. Infact I think I am kind of mad you didn't call me.
We're fighting.
Not having any experience with this YET, I will just say that I am pretty sure I would have done the exact same thing you did. You are an awesome mother!
would have done the same thing!!
you are wonderful & Sam loves you for that! :)
xoxo
K first I would like to say that Lacey, whoever she may be, is my hero.
Second, I think I can say I know you pretty well and, though enabling runs in the family, I don't think you personally need to worry too much about it.
There is a difference between enabling and doing what may be best for that particular child and their personality. Brooke brought her daughters homework to school because she knows how Lar would feel about herself all day. That is not enabling. That is doing what is best for that child.
I can most definitely see where that teacher is coming from. Can you imagine what she must deal with? However, you know Sam and his personality and THAT makes you a good parent!
(Sorry, I didn't mean for this to be so long. Hope it made some sort of sense.)
I don't even need to comment. Everyone said it all already. A teacher once said something similar to me as well. I still freak out when he leaves something, but it doesn't happen too often.
Oh and of course leaving homework is a different thing than snowpants that he didn't even realize he needed at age 6! I think it just depends on the situation.
my thoughts are . . . i am that way too . . . and is it that bad . . . i mean i just want to help out right?
Not a bit of enable-ING. The ing in enabling means that it is a behavior or way of life. Especially since it was the first day of school that snow-pants would be required. . . .
I think that teacher was totally out of line saying that to you. I would have done the same thing and taken the snow pants to school. Now if Sam were 16, that would be a different story, but, six! Give me a break. I think you did exactly the right thing.
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